Psycho Cat Fights Back!
This podcast is streamed to you exclusively from a secret cosy cupboard below stairs - the only place for a respectable Jewish cat at Chanucah.
I am beyond furious to discover that my owner has decided I'm crazy and that I need to see a shrink!
If I wasn't mad before, I'm now apoplectic with rage, busy chewing her favourite cushions to shreds and planning a week-long mouse-and-bird-fuelled love-in with the tom next door..
Mrs Human's move was inspired by some asinine academics at the University of Liverpool and its neighbour, Liverpool John Moores University in north-west England, who pretend that it's not because they're bored witless and have nothing better to do than devise personality tests for uber-smart felines but because they want to help homeless kitties who may otherwise be abandoned, placed in shelters or even - heaven forfend - be put down.
Gimme a break, do!
Someone ought to tell them that merely working and living on Merseyside is not an automatic entree to stardom and if anyone's going to make a major hit as Puss in Boots this festive season - it's going to be me!
All that aside,, according to the MailoOnline news site, the next time I'm caught teasing the budgie when it's let out of its cage; am viewed as being over-excited or considered to show a 'lack of empathy' or to display traits of 'callous aggression' towards any passing pit bull terrier, I will be tied down, caged and grilled with the 46-question CAT-Tri+ test.
If anything's dead mean- that is!
Who is any mere owner to tell me about myself?
What a flaming cheek!
It's like it's always been:
I am me:
She Who Must Be Obeyed!
I rule my world - and yes:Â
I am indeed poised - ready to take over.
A happy Chanucah to all my Jewish listeners! :)
Love and kisses.
Psycho Cat Xxx
NATALIE WOOD
29 NOVEMBER 2021